World record · Exclusive
La Canada man lands 13.5-foot shark off Cabo from a jet ski
Adam Wills — of La Canada, not to be confused with the more manly pronunciation — reeled it in wearing the lucky bonnet. IGFA officials are “not currently taking calls.”
CABO SAN LUCAS — On Sunday morning, Adam Wills of La Canada — not to be confused with the more manly pronunciation — rode a jet ski into the Sea of Cortez in a baby bonnet, a pacifier, and what witnesses called “the lucky diaper,” with a Walmart rod and a liquor-store bottle of Fireball he had intended to drink. Eleven minutes later a great white shark that measured exactly 13.5 feet — Billy had the tape, and he would not put it down — was in the air beside him.
The International Game Fish Association has not certified the catch. An intern who would not give a last name told this paper the records desk is “closed on account of cinnamon whisky.” PEMEX would like it known, again, that the animal is not a submarine.
Wills, who had ducked a timeshare presentation by saying he needed air, bought a bottle of Fireball at a liquor store and tied it to a $2 hook. “I was going to drink it,” he said. “Then something drank the idea of me drinking it.” He gunned the ski past the swim rope and felt a tug he later described as “the ocean picking up the phone.”
What followed was not a fight so much as a towing. The fish came up beside the ski. Wills reports that he “gave it a little extra,” at which point the animal grounded itself in three feet of water like a boat that had missed the marina. Tourists formed a ring. Someone started a group chat. Three people livestreamed the landing and captioned it as their own. Nobody could explain the bonnet.
“I was going to drink it. Then something drank the idea of me drinking it. That’s fishing.”
Local children have named the shark Cinnamon. A taco stand has relocated into the shade of the dorsal fin. Hotel Sol del Médano printed new rate cards overnight for “fin view” rooms. The jet ski is still out there. Friends and family, reached on the sand, were less helpful than the fish.
His brother Billy said the wrist “was limper than the pole.” Friend Paco said the shark was “smaller then the one I caught.” Then he said it again. Then again. The copy desk, which had a pencil, counted four hundred and twenty times. Paco would not leave until the writing staff agreed to make that number clear in print. This is that sentence: he said it exactly four hundred and twenty times. Friend Ben said, “I knew I had it in you but I know you wanted it in you.” A gentleman identified only as Neighbor had two things to say. First: “mmmmmmm.” Then: “sex.” The Bugle printed both. The Bugle does not regret the bonnet.
